Search The Tattler

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Strange Existential Dental Observances

Peculiar Mandible Phenomenological Occurrences Surrounding Council Member Bukowski

Strange cluster of extreme tooth decay centers on Bukowski Compound

The statistical likelihood of Americans aged 20-64 to suffer from toothlessness is just 3.75%. That our own council member Ken Bukowski (58) is among this small statistical group is worth noting. But what really sends the statistical models reeling are the strange peculiarities revealed when one couples this consideration with the dental conditions of Mr. Bukowski's personal associates.

An extraordinarily high number of tenants at Mr. Bukowski's secluded compound on Doyle Street likewise suffer from poor dental hygiene. During a police call to the compound concerning a domestic dispute in November, at least three toothless tenants were observed making statements to the police. None of the tenants observed appeared to be over 60 years of age.

In a bizarre coincidence, Mr. Bukowski's husband, who lives with him on Post Street in San Francisco, also appears to suffer from extreme tooth decay. Further, a neighbor down the hall in the Post Street apartment building who wished to remain anonymous, reported that most of the nightly traffic in and out of what Mr. Bukowski's insists is a San Francisco pied-a-tierre consists of toothless people.

Before retiring, former councilman Dick Kassis told a gathering of Watergate residents at a candidate's debate, "Ken hasn't taken care of his teeth very well".
Indeed, according to the National Institute of Dental and Craniofacial Research (NIDCR), the mean number of permanent teeth for white non-Hispanic Americans Mr. Bukowski's age is 25.23. When one considers the mean number of permanent teeth divided up between Mr. Bukowski and his associates, one might wonder about the origins of this improbable cluster of toothlessness.

What Are The Odds?

An examination of statistics raises more questions. Compared to what one would expect in a random sampling of any similarly sized parcel the Bukowski compound on Doyle Street appears to be an extreme abnormality. Using NIDCR's formula, the total number of Emeryville residents under 65 suffering from extreme tooth loss should be about 375. Based on an average city-wide population density of 3,400 square feet per person, the likelihood of four people suffering from extreme tooth loss on a 9,200 square foot parcel (the approximate size of Mr. Bukowski's compound) is very remote indeed. The odds are about .000001978 or almost two in a million. Perhaps the purchase of lottery tickets is in order. These numbers might however be skewed due to social effects; the toothless would probably cluster for non-random reasons.


  1. Talk about universal health care ... I think Emeryville needs universal dental care!

  2. Why include in an otherwise serious and useful blog a post that is at best somewhere halfway between The National Enquirer and Mad Magazine? Separate fact from fiction?

  3. Well, wasn't it Emma Goldman the said "a revolution without dancing is a revolution not worth having"? We're fans of Emma here at the Tattler.