Military Culture Permeates Emeryville Police Department

 Emeryville's Militarized Police Force:

A Modest Proposal

Opinion

by Brian Donahue

Grand Poobah / Il Duce

For a hot minute, after officers from the Minneapolis Police Department murdered George Floyd, the nation cried enough is enough and police reform seemed to be on everyone’s lips.  Even here in Emeryville, the City Council passed a proclamation supporting State legislation proscribing police militarization.  All the heated talk ended quickly however and the police went back to being the police.  Here at the Tattler, we didn’t see police reform as a bandwagon to hop on and hop off.  We still think reform is the goal.  For instance, we see no cogent reason why our police should routinely carry military weapons of war on Emeryville's streets as they do.  The police here are adamant: they need more firepower, they need to always be armed with assault rifles with enough power to blast through three house walls and still kill a civilian.

Against that backdrop, we introduced a new, largely symbolic effort to bring our police back into our community, to reflect community values.  We suggested the Emeryville Police Department throw off their military personnel ranking system they use and replace it with a civilian ranking model.  In this way, the Chief would become EPD#1, the Captains would become EPD#2, the Lieutenants EPD#3 and so on.  Current Lieutenant Fred Dauer for instance, would become EPD#3 Fred Dauer or just #3 Dauer.

Field Marshal Dauer

Alas, the police took to this proposal like a cat takes to water: they responded with a full throated NO.  They will keep their military modus operandi including all the trappings, they insisted.  But the United States military, as everyone knows, are liars.  They always lie to get us into wars.  And then they lie again when we inquire as to how well they are prosecuting the war.  The Emeryville Police Department is in the thrall of and wants to be associated with this government agency that can be counted on to lie to the people; right down to their military ranking.   Our police love governmental lying.
 

So after years trying to get a less militaristic, more community friendly police department, we’re ready to throw in the towel.  Let’s give them what they want.  Let’s hyper-militarize the Emeryville Police Department.  If EPD Captain Oliver Collins is feared by the people with the military epithet 'captain', imagine how much better it would be if he were known as Generalissimo Oliver Collins.  Lieutenant Fred Dauer too will be even more fearsome as Field Marshall Fred Dauer.  That a militarized police department is cast as a good thing, why then equivocate Emeryville?  Let's start thanking them for their service, why not?  Let's wallow in military grandeur and idolatry.

Here’s our modest proposal: